By now I am back to work after a 6 week absence. I am doing the best I can but am not working to my potential.
People are visiting less and less and everyone is so busy with holiday activities.
On a cerebral level...I understand this but emotionally I am taking it personally. I start to wonder what would happen to me if I became incapacitated and I become extremely fearful.
I know right now I am self-centered but I don't know how to get out of myself. I spend most of my time alone and I constantly think. I know I would feel better if I were around people but I don't feel well enough to do anything about it.
I feel stuck.
People mean well..(I think) and will say things like...why don't you take a walk. I think to myself " Don't you think if I could...I would...I used to walk miles each day" I really want to say "I am not Lazy...I am sick" I am having a lot of these conversations with myself lately. I have to call someone else that went through treatment. I do and feel better almost immediately.
Validation.....just what I needed!
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