Week 40..the final countdown!

8 more weeks I can't believe it.
I can't wait to like Thursday and Friday again.
The past couple of days have been pretty good. I don't want to inject and feel crappy. I can do it....for 8 more weeks...I can do it

I just have to ask?

Are texts and emails really a great way to communicate with people?

What ever happened to phone calls or I don't know?? Visiting someone who is not well?

I feel crappy.....don't want to text...too tired

Week 39...9 more to go!

I had a fairly active busy week this week and was able to accomplish mostly everything I needed to for work. That hasn't happened in awhile. My head is feeling clearer then it has since the fall. I wonder if my thyroid is finally regulated.

I can really feel the end coming. I am trying to decide what to do once this is all over and I am feeling better.

I really want to go on an African Safari......

One fun side effect

I know one other person who also had this side effect.
Excessive eyelash growth. My eyelashes look amazing....: )

Weeks 37-38

I didn't think it was possible to be so tired. I could sleep all day. I now know why I have stopped grocery shopping.....one end of the store to the other feels like a marathon.
10 more weeks to go.
i want to write...this blog helps...I am so tired I can't think of the words.

Weeks 33-36

Ok...February in to March..I can't wait for Spring.
I know the warm weather will make me feel better. I really don't feel well everyday at this point. I am exhausted no matter how much rest I get.

Week 36---Only 12 more to go! Thank God!

Weeks 29-32

January is now turning in to February and things are basically the same. My head feels foggy all the time and I feel out of it. I can't get enough sleep.
It turns out the medication has affected my thyroid and am now on a new medication for hypothyroidism. Just what I want....another drug.

Lately I have been thinking so much about the one thing I am most grateful for (next to the cure, of course)...I simply no longer care who knows that I have hepatitis C. I am so over myself and realize that people are at times just ignorant to the facts. Statistically 40% of patients don't know where they got the virus. People believe that it is sexually transmitted but in heterosexual patients I have read that there is no evidence to that.

I just don't care anymore.....people can think whatever they choose. I jokingly said I was going to tell people I got it from my prison tattoo....after all...isn't that the type of answer people really want to hear.

It's liberating, frankly to have this fairly in the open....while I am not screaming it from the mountaintops, if people ask...I am candid.

What has happened has happened...I just look forward to a healthy future.

I have also learned about expectations.......when I expect I am usually disappointed....I am really working on this.

I have started to answer "fine" at the inquiry to how I feel. I am too tired physically....and emotionally to say anything else.

Week 25-28

It's now January..........
The snow has kept me (and everyone else) in the house even more then normal as many work days had to be missed.
I've started to develop some migraines.  All other symptoms are status quo and I can not wait for the winter to be over.
I am very isolated and I don't receive as many phone calls.  I don't pick up the phone either as I really don't know what to say.
I feel everyone is sick of hearing about how I feel and I don't do anything...there is nothing new to say.

I usually have a good sense of humor and I am quite self deprecating but I have a hard time finding things funny at this point. Though I can see the humor in some of my memory lapse antics...trying to change he tv channel with the phone..losing my cup of coffee in the house..things like that do still make me laugh.

I wish I had more company...I don't invite people either so a lot is my fault too.  I feel as though I don't have anything to offer anyone right now...even my conversation is limited.
I know things will get better once this is over....I really do.

Weeks 21-24 December

By now I am back to work after a 6 week absence.  I am doing the best I can but am not working to my potential.

People are visiting less and less and everyone is so busy with holiday activities.

On a cerebral level...I understand this but emotionally I am taking it personally.  I start to wonder what would happen to me if I became incapacitated and I become extremely fearful.
I know right now I am self-centered but I don't know how to get out of myself.  I spend most of my time alone and I constantly think.  I know I would feel better if I were around people but I don't feel well enough to do anything about it.
I feel stuck.
People mean well..(I think) and will say things like...why don't you take a walk.  I think to myself " Don't you think if I could...I would...I used to walk miles each day" I really want to say "I am not Lazy...I am sick"  I am having a lot of these conversations with myself lately.  I have to call someone else that went through treatment.  I do and feel better almost immediately.
Validation.....just what I needed!

Weeks 17-20 Excellent Prognosis

I am pretty sure that the results actually came to me around week 13.  However I am not 100% sure of dates.
My results show absolutely zero virus in my system...I am so thrilled and know in my heart I am cured.  My doctor won't say those words and I understand but I know it!

I am stll feeling badly and have now developed a low grade fever that seems to come most weekends. The anemia is starting to improve and I am not as short of breath as I had been.
It's right before Thanksgiving and everyone is getting busy with the holidays.  I really can't get too excited this year as thought of Christmas and shopping and decorating are too overwhelming.  I  am not going to deal with it this year.
I am really starting to feel quite lonely as everyone is so busy with their own lives and I feel as though I am just standing still .I don't get out of the house at all right now and am not driving so I have to rely on other people for rides.  It's becoming more and more difficult to ask for help...I am so used to being independent.

Weeks 9-12 and 13-16

As I am updating this journal..it makes me realize how great it would have been to write as it was happening.
The pharmaceutical company provided a journal, the first few weeks were so easy I abandoned the project.  What did I know...what do any of us know. As prepared and informed as I thought I was.....I had no idea what to expect. 
The month of September is a bit of a blur to me.  Work was becoming increasingly difficult.  My mind was so foggy and my memory and thought process was definitely affected. I can't remember the exact timing of all of this but the end result was I was anemic.  All of my symptoms were an affect (effect? can never remember) of my organs not receiving enough oxygen.
It took 2 weeks before I could get the necessary medication as a result of a shortage from the company and a lack of follow up from the staff at the doctors office. 
I wound up meeting my doctor at the emergency room so I could get my first dose.  As this medication is not consider an "emergency room" medication...I spent 5 hours while the hospital decided if they could give it to me.  Thank God my doctor showed up to override protocol.  Normally they will only prescribe if the hemoglobin is below 10....mine was 10.1
It's not the count that is that significant it's the percentage drop over a period of time.  Mine dropped 4 grams and qualified me for this very expensive (approximately 900/shot) treatment.  I am extremely grateful to have insurance.
I need to digress a moment.  When the ER doctor was interviewing me, one of his first questions was "How did you get Hep C"
I really wanted to ask him if it would matter how he would treat me...but I didn't which is a miracle as by now I am so irritable, depressed, exhausted and angry.
Note to doctors:  You may want to consider when and how to ask.  If it is really necessary for you to know.
 As far as I know only HIV and Hepatitis C patients are asked this question...we feel bad enough...please show some compassion.
This drug takes time to work and October 18th I had to stop working for awhile.  I spent the month of October on my couch exhausted, depressed, irritable and extremely sad.  I felt that  no one understood me.
By this time I lost 25 pounds, my hair was falling out and I developed sores in my mouth that made it very difficult to eat.  I felt very misunderstood and fairly unsupported.
Very few people understand this treatment an I get that more and more each day.  I said to a friend during this time that I wished all of my hair fell out so people could see I didn't feel well. (of course I didn't mean that)
It's just people asked so many questions and said so many things...my favorite was "Well you look good"
I felt extremely invalidated and I was getting more and more angry and depressed.
By now I read all about the ribavirun rage syndrome.  I am here to tell you it's real! When my doctor asked if I felt suicidal I replied "No, but I may be homicidal"  I laughed of course but I was agitated and quite frankly pissed off at the world.
I felt so alone.

March 3rd! A Milestone!

I had my 36th injection today!  I am officially 3/4 of the way through....12 more weeks.
I can't wait!

Weeks 5-8

It's now the beginning of August and I am inexplicably out of breath and exhausted.  I can't sleep and a nap is absolutely impossible.  When I lay down to rest my eyes are wide open.
As I research the medication...all 3 medications (the antidepressant, ribavirun and interfuron) list insomnia as a possible side effect.
I am developing shortness of breath with minimal effort.
When I visited the doctor with the symptoms he referred me to my internist to follow up. The tests were normal (EKG, chest Xray) she did hear some wheezing in my longs.  As I have a history of exercise induced asthma she gave me an inhaler.  I was due for bloodwork in a few days so we were going to wait to see what the results showed.
By this time I was becoming very limited in my activity.  The simplest tasks (getting the mail, walking the dog) were exhausting.  Walking up one flight of stairs made me out of breath.
It was hard to believe that just a few months back I was able to work out and run around.
It's scary when your body lets you down.  I was starting to wonder if I would ever feel normal again.

July 2nd 2010 Weeeks 1-4

Treatment started.  I took my first injection  and first set of pills.  I was off from work not quite sure how I would feel.  About 6 weeks prior I started an antidepressant to ward off the common symptons associated with this treatment.

I sat on the couch most of the day....fearful of the unknown and really not too sure what to expect.  A friend stopped over later that afternnon and asked what I was doing.  She said " Are you waiting for side effects to start" "Well sort of" I replied.  We both had a laugh but in truth....everyone reacts so differently it's hard to know what to expect and I was scared.

Week One through Four was relatively uneventful though I did develop a rash from my elbows to my armpits on both arms.  From the beginning I developed a sensitivity to heat and sun but for the most part the first 4 weeks were uneventful.  I was able to work and I played tennis for the first 3 weeks.

During this time a viral load was run and the decrease in virus was significant.  The doctor was very encouraged that the treatment was working!  I was cautiously optomistic.  I felt very strongly that I would be cured.  I would not have entered in to this treatment unless I felt that way.  I did my research and was quite sure I was moving in the right direction.

On a manageability scale of 1-10...I would say weeks 1-4 were a 9.5

March 1st 2011 Week 35

I woke up this morning with the same feeling I had since about week 8.
I wanted to post while the feeling is fresh and will fill in weeks prior later today.

Every morning I awake as if I have not slept.  The mornings are hardest and I feel overwhelmed by another day.  Every task seems unmanageable.  My head is so foggy.  I feel derpressed, lethargic and unprepared for another day.  It's as though I am living in the movie Groundhog day....every day feels the same and I don't know how to change it.